Thursday, March 11, 2010

Online Dating Profile of the Day

High IQ? Actually, it's a tie....

It will never cease to amaze me how stupid chicks are. The stupidest chicks by far, however, are those who are thoroughly convinced of their own brilliance.

Moxxiegrrl is a 42 year old Caucasian female who has managed to accomplish some pretty incredible things in life! Like become the CEO of a company, you ask? Well, not exactly. Like discover a cure for AIDS? No, not really that either. Like earn a bazillion dollars in the stock market while raising a passel of well-adjusted kids? No, not exactly. Like have a scrumptious career as the hottest porn star ever. Uhhh, no. Well, what exactly has she done then? Oh, plenty - like get admitted to a public graduate school. Her profession is, of course, "student." She writes of herself that "I consider myself intelligent." Of course you do, sweetheart. And after all, it is your own thoughts and opinions that matter most, right? Now hurry and go put this bikini on, willya?

She then writes, "Politically speaking, I'm hoping to find someone who is not ashamed to admit they are a progressive Democrat or a liberal. Openmindedness is a virtue...."

Ok, slacktard. Let's reason this out since you are so intelligent, shall we? If you are having trouble finding a man who 1) is not ashamed to admit his libtard orientation while simultaneously 2) not residing in an insane ward, it is probably because the Democrat party has so thoroughly discredited itself that there is no man capable of thought either under or on top of a rock anywhere that does not blush to take his voter registration card out and see "D" impressed upon its face.

But what do you suppose Moxxietard means by "openmindedness" here? Well, when a touchy-feely femtard who considers herself enlightened and bright (and trust me, Moxx, a graduate degree in Women's Studies does not at all indicate that you have been enlightened, or even educated for that matter) whines that she can't find anybody who is sufficiently "openminded" for her taste, she is really saying this:

"While I feel that my Ph.D. in Russian Queer Literature indicates that I am quite bright, nevertheless when I get into a political discussion with a male auto mechanic at the local bar he always seems to be able to marshal more facts for his conservative/libertarian/middle-of-the-road views than I can. This makes me feel bad. I don't like to feel bad. Therefore, what I need is to find some milquetoast mumblegoof who is too much of a priss to even challenge my beliefs so that I will not have to defend them, which I obviously am incapable of doing, and therefore, I can continue to assert how bright I am while spouting a heaping, steaming pile of nonsense. Unchallenged by the truth, of course, my radical feminist queertard views look quite legitimate and that makes me feel all warm inside!"

Translation: When you see a woman listing "openmindedness" as a desirable trait in her online profile, you should read it as "I am looking for someone who will not confront my thoroughly erroneous radical feminist belief system with anything resembling logic or facts." Openmindedness, to the modern woman, is the ability to allow her to proudly maintain her irrational doctrines and build whole new stories into her castles in the air while smiling broadly and gently mouthing the phrase, "Yes, dear."


  1. Open minded actually means:

    I am looking for someone who will not confront my thoroughly erroneous radical feminist belief system with anything resembling logic or facts

    Spot on!!!

    I am going to have to get that "feminist code speak" - maybe revise it so that us guys can better understand what women REALLY mean in their profiles....

  2. Nice post... Here's one...

    Have you ever wonder what is meant when a women asks in a Personal Ad that she would like to meet someone who has, a GSOH or WLTM or LTR?
    You have to ferret out the gold-diggers,free-loaders, hookers, whores and prostitutes.
    Now you can with this easy to follow guide.

    Personal Ads - What is really meant when females say she is or has a:

    Actress –Expensive/Lies about age/Out of work.
    Ambitious – Employed.
    Assertive – Argumentative.
    Attractive – Vain.
    Athletic – Flat chested.
    Big beautiful woman – Overweight, dyed blond hair, dresses in black.
    Bubbly personality – Uncontrollable.
    Business woman – Must earn more than me, have own house, own villa abroad, etc.
    Blond – Dyes grey hair.
    Can travel – Married.
    Caring – ‘What’s in it for me?’
    College student – Skint.
    Creative. – Underhanded lying cheat.
    Cuddly - Fat
    Curvy – Out of shape.
    Divorced – Nothing is good enough.
    Dancer (1) – Which will give up and get fat when married.
    Dancer (2) – Stripper.
    Down to Earth – Lazy.
    Easygoing – Has a reputation/Tramp.
    Educated – Receptionist.
    Employed – Works in shop.
    Enjoys weekends in the country – Married or already has boyfriend.
    Financially secure/ Financially Stable – Took ex-husband to the cleaners in divorce payout.
    Free spirited – Sleeps around.
    Full-figured – Couch Potato.
    Fun Loving – ‘Look at me everyone.’
    Gorgeous – Face from a jar.
    Hard working – Works over 16 hours a week.
    Has high standards - Whining complaining money grabber.
    Headstrong – Domineering.
    Keeps fit – Eats Special K. Goes to gym a few times a month during the summer.
    Laid back- Hairy unkempt slob.
    Likes to party – Drug-head..
    Likes clubbing - Needs someone to cruise the clubs with while looking for a better deal.
    Likes ‘Me’ time – A man to be around when it suits me.
    Likes to socialise – Flirt.
    Looking for a serious relationship – P*ssed off working for a living.
    Looking for Mr Right – Wants a mug with money & own house.
    Looking for friendship – No sex but expects free meals and free drinks.
    Looking for like-minded man – Needs a ‘Yes’ man.
    Looks young – Middle aged.
    Loyal – Over 50.
    Must have a GSOH – Must put up with my acting & dressing slutty.
    Must like pets – Needs someone to walk my dog or feed my cat.
    Model (1) – Gold-digger.
    Model (2) – Premiership footballers only.
    Natural beauty – Plain.
    Non-Drinker – Bore.
    No time wasters – Wealthy men only.
    Organised. – Devious.
    Open minded – Sleeps around.
    Outspoken - Big mouth.
    Owns own business – Runs Craft shop/flower shop/handbag market stall/sandwich bar.
    Petite – Short.
    Pretty – Average.
    Romantic – Divorced.
    Sensitive - Neurotic
    Sexy - Tarty
    Slim – Skinny.
    Single mother – Skint. Overloaded with debts.
    Single woman – Over 40.
    Shy – Can’t be bothered to make the effort.
    Smart - Married into money.
    Sociable – Drunk.
    Successful business woman – Married the boss then divorced him.
    Toned body – More muscular than most men.
    University Graduate – Unemployed.
    Very good looking – Narcissistic vain self-obsessed attention seeking egotist.
    Very sincere caring genuine woman – Not to be trusted.
    Will Answer All – Desperate.
    Willing to Relocate – Illegal immigrant /On the run from Bailiffs/Credit card fraud.
    Works late – Already seeing someone (Single women never work late).
    © 1999

  3. Masculinist - An EXCELLENT offering! Though I think you could have spread "narcissism" into even a few more of the terms.... ;)