Thursday, April 28, 2011

My "Chickspeak Decoder Ring" in Action!

So I have been cruising the dating profiles again, and am so flummoxed by them generally that I cannot focus on just one to mock and humiliate. So I decided to use this entry to demonstrate the superior understanding of women that I have by using my "Chickspeak Decoder Ring" (I received mine in a box of Cracker Jacks bought at the movies - you know, one of the BIG boxes, not the tiny ones with the paper "prizes" in them) to demonstrate my ability to understand what women are talking about, even when they don't understand what they are talking about.

Below are a series of statements that I have purloined from various dating profiles, and their interpretation beside them....

  • "Just want to have fun/be happy" (occurs repeatedly) - trans., "It is YOUR responsibility to make sure that I have fun or am happy."
  • "Looking for something real/Are there any real men left?" (occurs repeatedly) - trans., "My prerogative as a woman is that I get to define what REAL relationships are and even what REAL manhood is."
  • "I am me./I am just me." (occurs repeatedly) - trans., 1) I am a retard, having been convinced by Oprah that the obvious is profound. 2) I am exactly what I want to be, neuroses and all, and you have to accept me as I am. Don't worry, however, I will be exerting every effort to change YOU into the image I have of what a man ought to be" (see "real man" above).
  • "Looking for a professional man." - trans., "You better be a doctor or lawyer if you are gonna afford me."
  • "Looking for friends only." - trans., "I want you to take the initiative of inviting me out and paying for everything, but don't expect any sex or affection from me. I am basically just a cute freeloader."
  • "I enjoy intelligent conversation." - trans., "I enjoy conversations in which you make me feel intelligent by agreeing with everything I say no matter how ridiculous it is."
  • "Take a chance on me." - trans., "I am a 'risk-on' chick! At the end of our relationship (and it WILL end), you will be facing alimony and/or child support and/or jail and/or the looney bin. Just like all the others...."
  • "No game players!" - trans., "I will play enough games for both of us. If you are playing games too, you will get in my way. Leave the game-playing to me."
  • "Seeking Godly man." - trans., "Stop looking at my cleavage. I know I posted a picture of my cleavage, but stop looking anyway."
  • "I am independent and DO NOT NEED a man." - trans., "I am incapable of forming a meaningful relationship with another person because I have never learned that a relationship demands a certain amount of intermingling and dependence upon another."
  • "My kids are grown and it is time for me!" (occurs repeatedly) - trans., "The state demanded that I focus on my kids for X years or they would take my kids away, but now that they are gone I am free to give free reign to my untrammeled narcissism, so watch out!"
  • "Are there any GOOD men left?" (occurs repeatedly) - trans., "Every time I get around a guy he runs away screaming; and since I am such a sweetie, the problem must be him, so they are not good guys. So are there any good guys, i.e., guys who will not run away screaming when I pop the lid off of crazy?"

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Watching Family Feud

Because it is snowing tonight, we decided to stay in and watch Family Feud.

One family is all white women. One family is all black women except for one black man.

For those who insist that stereotypes are NOT legitimate, check out these answers:

Emcee: "Name something you would want to know about the person your ex is dating?"

Black woman: "How many kids she has!"

White woman: "Is she prettier than me?"

Friday, January 7, 2011

What Women Are Lacking

Carolinagirl is single and 6'2. When you see that height on a woman's dating profile, you, I think reflexively, begin to wonder if there has been a sex change in her past.

And I assure you that her picture does nothing to relieve one of this suspicion.

The title of her dating profile is:

Carolinagirl: Looking for My Solemate

Yes. Read it again.

I have diligently searched her profile to see if this might be some sort of fetish pun. I find nothing about footlicking in the profile. So my assumption, based partly upon the stereotype that women are not that bright (which is borne out again and again) and based partly upon the objective evidence that I have gleaned from her profile (see below), that she meant one thing and said another.

Stereotypically, this is again a characteristic of the female mind....

But the "solemate" issue does suggest a couple of lines of thinking about women that might be valuable to pursue in depth at some point, but I will simply note them and hope that your own ruminations might be encouraged.

* When women, en masse, seem to lack certain basic, foundational, and necessary information as the difference between "sole" and "soul," how can they be relied upon to know anything else?

* When women, en masse, aren't even quite sure of what they are looking for (a person with a nearly existential and cosmic relation with whom to share the duration of one's life or a foot-oriented fetish partner?), how can they ever be expected to find it?

* When women's communication skills (en masse) are so poor, how can they take offense when men don't know what the heck they are talking about?

* When women, en masse, are confused about the simple stuff (like spelling), how exactly is it that they are qualified to participate in discussions on more abstract subjects?

Helpfully, the remainder of her profile reinforces the conclusions that we have inferred from her great trouble expressing herself in the title of her profile. Here it is:

I am loving person.
Seeking the same.
Looking for a friend that may lead to someting more.
I have a 13 year old son he is my whole world.
He plays baseball and drums.
We have a dog.

If the unexamined life is not worth living, then Carolinagirl must be dead. Yet, except for including "I like to laugh and have fun," this is, minus spelling errors and Neanderthal syntax, pretty much the typical female dating profile. It has all required elements:

* Gratuitous self-puffery (I am loving person).

* Vague or incomprehensible dating requirements that are intended to attract everyone but serve as a grounds for dismissal of anyone (Seeking same).

* Ridiculous nonsensical definition of a relationship included because it sounds great to female ears without any comprehension of how utterly incompatible it sounds to anything that a male would ever be looking for (Looking for a friend that may lead to someting more.). [NOTE TO LADIES: When men go out with their "friends," they go Dutch. Ya feelin' me?]

* Gratuitous nonsense intended to demonstrate the ideal of female independence (which is, by the way, the ideal ONLY to females) but which in fact demonstrates that the person who writes it is incapable of forming a lasting relationship (I have a 13 year old son he is my whole world.). [NOTE TO LADIES: Any fooltard who would maintain that they already possess "their whole world" and yet needs me is incapable of rational thought. Further, those of you who maintain that your "children will always be first" demonstrate that you have a basic misunderstanding of romance and marriage so extreme that it communicates fully why you are single today, and why you are unfit for a long-term relationship with anyone - ever.]

* Fooltard nonsense meant to cultivate an image of soft humanity (We have dog.).

* Evidence of extreme ignorance (Misspellings and pidgin English.).

In many respects, Carolinagirl is typical of every female dating profile in the world. The astounding lack of knowledge of life generally (including such basic matters as the distinction between "sole" and "soul" and the ability to spell) and astounding lack of personal insight indicates the self-absorption and basic lack of life and relationship skills that feminism has instilled into the great retarded mass that is the female of the modern Western world.

Do you not find it strange, as I do, that on a dating profile, in which one would be tempted to believe that a person might put one's best foot forward, that the most insight one can muster about herself and her life is "I am a loving person who owns a dog"???