Showing posts with label online. Show all posts
Showing posts with label online. Show all posts

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Chicks can't do math.


Let's get something straight, Chickies - God made you beautiful because you can't do math!!!


Blue-Eyed Seduction (her real screen name) is a 38-year old woman whose willowy blonde hair and pillowy lips (and other pillowy attractions, if you get my drift) make her every 15-year old's dream. Make her a teacher and she would be the motivation behind the whole Russian army pulling itself through puberty simultaneously.

And she really wants to be taken seriously (unfortunately). She is a financial advisor by trade, which is quite worrisome, when you read what she has to say about her mixed-race heritage:


I AM HALF BLACK FOOT INDIAN, IRISH AND WHITE.


Yes, she is half Blackfoot Indian, half Irish, and half Caucasian. Exactly. And this woman is gonna be calculating dividends, interest rates, and maybe balancing your money market account?

The one thing we know for sure about her is that she may be half Blackfoot, half Irish, and half white, but she is 100% bad at math.

See? This is why God gave chicks boobs - it's His divine exemption for you: you don't have to do math! Find a semi-bright guy to do it for you!

And for those of you who might be clients of Blue-Eyed Seduction, if she really is a financial advisor, you might want to find a semi-bright guy to do that for you as well.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Online Dating Profile of the Day

High IQ? Actually, it's a tie....


It will never cease to amaze me how stupid chicks are. The stupidest chicks by far, however, are those who are thoroughly convinced of their own brilliance.

Moxxiegrrl is a 42 year old Caucasian female who has managed to accomplish some pretty incredible things in life! Like become the CEO of a company, you ask? Well, not exactly. Like discover a cure for AIDS? No, not really that either. Like earn a bazillion dollars in the stock market while raising a passel of well-adjusted kids? No, not exactly. Like have a scrumptious career as the hottest porn star ever. Uhhh, no. Well, what exactly has she done then? Oh, plenty - like get admitted to a public graduate school. Her profession is, of course, "student." She writes of herself that "I consider myself intelligent." Of course you do, sweetheart. And after all, it is your own thoughts and opinions that matter most, right? Now hurry and go put this bikini on, willya?

She then writes, "Politically speaking, I'm hoping to find someone who is not ashamed to admit they are a progressive Democrat or a liberal. Openmindedness is a virtue...."

Ok, slacktard. Let's reason this out since you are so intelligent, shall we? If you are having trouble finding a man who 1) is not ashamed to admit his libtard orientation while simultaneously 2) not residing in an insane ward, it is probably because the Democrat party has so thoroughly discredited itself that there is no man capable of thought either under or on top of a rock anywhere that does not blush to take his voter registration card out and see "D" impressed upon its face.

But what do you suppose Moxxietard means by "openmindedness" here? Well, when a touchy-feely femtard who considers herself enlightened and bright (and trust me, Moxx, a graduate degree in Women's Studies does not at all indicate that you have been enlightened, or even educated for that matter) whines that she can't find anybody who is sufficiently "openminded" for her taste, she is really saying this:

"While I feel that my Ph.D. in Russian Queer Literature indicates that I am quite bright, nevertheless when I get into a political discussion with a male auto mechanic at the local bar he always seems to be able to marshal more facts for his conservative/libertarian/middle-of-the-road views than I can. This makes me feel bad. I don't like to feel bad. Therefore, what I need is to find some milquetoast mumblegoof who is too much of a priss to even challenge my beliefs so that I will not have to defend them, which I obviously am incapable of doing, and therefore, I can continue to assert how bright I am while spouting a heaping, steaming pile of nonsense. Unchallenged by the truth, of course, my radical feminist queertard views look quite legitimate and that makes me feel all warm inside!"


Translation: When you see a woman listing "openmindedness" as a desirable trait in her online profile, you should read it as "I am looking for someone who will not confront my thoroughly erroneous radical feminist belief system with anything resembling logic or facts." Openmindedness, to the modern woman, is the ability to allow her to proudly maintain her irrational doctrines and build whole new stories into her castles in the air while smiling broadly and gently mouthing the phrase, "Yes, dear."